Sunday, September 24, 2006

How to be a good husband

  1. If you got used to saying "Good night, Johnny" while turning off the bedroom TV during the Tonight Show, and now say the guy's name whenever you turn the TV off on some news anchor or performer, be careful with your words while turning off the TV during a Chubby Checker special.
  2. If your wife asks "Do these pants make me look fat?" the correct answer is NOT "No, it's not the pants."
  3. Most florists are willing to take pre-orders. Go in, sign some little cards, arrange some random dates on the calendar, and have them send your wife flowers on days when you have forgotten completely about it. This may make up for errors in execution on items 1 and 2.

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